with love
by tatty ted
Summary: AU. When Hanssen is shot, Miriam ends up at his bedside hoping he'll wake up. - —Miriam/Hanssen.
1. CHAPTER I

**notes** — alternative universe from the episode _blood money_, only because i haven't seen the episode in question and the idea itself wouldn't leave me alone.

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with love  
_a crossover fanfiction_

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He's been asleep for three days ever since he had his operation. She grabs his hand and it's cold, _he's cold_ and he must have about three blankets on him yet he's still freezing and for a split second she thinks the worst. (she thinks he's dead) Then she hears the heart monitor and her heart begins to beat again.

He's not out of the woods yet, that's what the Doctor's says. They say he can die any minute only they don't use that word.

— "will he die?" She asks then there's nothing but silence. Not a yes, not a no, just a — "we're doing the best we can."

Her own knowledge fills the silence. Sometimes it was dangerous being a Doctor, because you know things that others don't know. You know what it means when a Doctor tells you he's doing the best he can. In other words there's not much hope.

She can't think like that though. She can't think he's going to die, she doesn't know how to live without him.

("wake up henrik, wake up, _please_.")

He _has_ to wake up, there's no choice. He _has _to wake up otherwise she's going to die inside too. They say that it's possible to die from a broken heart don't they? She'll die from a broken heart if he dares to leave her.

("please henrik, _please_ wake up.")

She's whispered those words endlessly for seventy-two hours, over and over again hoping that he hears. She hopes that he isn't going to leave her in this rubbish world alone. She's even began to pray to God (if such a figure exists) to spare her from a life of loneliness, the life she was destined to live before meeting him in 1983.

She's exhausted both mentally and physically. She's cried since Tuesday and not stopped crying. Of course, she doesn't think it's possible to cry as much as she has done but it is. She feels a tear roll down her cheek and she wipes it away, aware that crying isn't going to save him.

There's a voice in the back of her mind telling her this is goodbye. It's not. It won't be goodbye, it'll never be goodbye.

She laces her fingers through his and hopes her touch will help him to regain consciousness and wake her up from this nightmare.

"How is he?" She turns her attention to the figure in the doorway and sighs, "There's no change."

There's nothing exchanged, the only sound that can be heard is footsteps to the edge of the bed. She's silent for a moment or two before she whispers, loud enough for the figure to hear; "What if he never wakes up?"

As soon as the words leave her mouth, she's all too aware of his fingers curling around her own, "Henrik?"

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**jottings **— what do you think? good/bad/terrible? if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	2. CHAPTER II

ϟ

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**CHAPTER TWO**.

He groans, his fingers curled around hers and opens his eyes. The lights blind him causing him to close them again. She bursts into tears at that moment, her prayer finally been answered. He's alive.

"Henrik?" He blinks a couple of times. She lets go off his hand for a moment and helps him to sit up. Once he's sat up, she pours him a glass of water and hands it to him, nothing spoken.

He's lucky, he knows he's lucky. He vaguely remembers a girl, a woman, an angel. He asked her if he was going to die but she said he wasn't and disappeared into the distance. He didn't die, he survived. He was _lucky._

He smiles weakly, takes the cup and takes a sip. There's still nothing exchanged and the figure at the end of the bed looks between Miriam and Hanssen and says she'll be back later. The door closes before either of them say anything, they don't really know what to say.

"I'm sorry." He says gently, knowing how much torture she went through, wondering if he was ever going to wake up.

"You should be." She answers back, a soft smile upon her lips. He reaches over and wipes away the stray tear that's rolling down her cheek. She closes her eyes, his touch sending a shiver down her spine. Oh how close she came to losing him.

"If you ever pull another stunt like that again, I'll bleedin' kill you myself."

He smiles softly and she makes eye contact and smiles. He holds her hand and plays with her fingers, enjoying the silence between them both.

"I was thinking," she begins, "where to put your ashes. I thought about the lake we first met, you remember the lake don't you?"

He nods and smiles, "How can I forget? "

"I don't remember why I was there but I'm glad I was." She blushes a shade of red and looks down at the floor. He smiles. He found it adorable when she blushed. There was another silence, the ticking of the clock the only sound that could be heard between the two of them.

"Miriam?"

"Hmm."

"Marry me!" The words caught her by surprise and she made eye contact with him, "Marry you? Henrik—we—I said I wouldn't marry again, you know why!"

He stroked her hand and answered; "Miriam, I love you and I almost died. _If_ I die, I want you to be my wife."

Now when she divorced the first time, she always told herself she'd never marry again. She'd always had a fear of committment, a fear of being left alone if it went wrong. It was always there, the feelings, the thoughts in the back of her mind.

But he did have a point.

Would it hurt to be married for a second time?

"Okay, I'll marry you but on one condition."

"What's that?"

There was a silence, "I choose the ring."

"Deal."

And as she laced her fingers through his, she remembered a certain quote that her mother used to tell her in her teenage years. A quote she'd forgotten about until now — "Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had."

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**jottings** — only a two-shot, i had fun writing it. thanks to the favourite/alerts/review:3


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